my idol...

i'm sorry friends.

you are all so good at blogging and i am so terrible...

table manners

One thing that always strikes me about the Brits is their undying adherence to table etiquette. Did you realize that Europeans hold their knife in the right hand and fork in the left and manage to never switch? Also of interest, the fork is held with the curvature facing the plate whereas Americans have been more successful using the fork as a baby shovel. Anyway, the point of all this is that I investigated dining etiquette last night in an effort to get some answers and found that there are so many rules! Please see list below:

"General Etiquette Rules:

1. Arrive at least 10 minutes early unless otherwise specified.


2. Pass food from the left to the right.


3. If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together, even if a table mate asks for only one of them. This is so dinner guests won't have to search for orphaned shakers.


4. Set any passed item, whether it's the salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand. Never intercept a pass. Snagging a roll out of the breadbasket or taking a shake of salt when it is en route to someone else is a no-no.


5. Food is served from the left. Dishes are removed from the right.


6. Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating.


7. Never turn a wine glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured and not draw attention. Otherwise, hold your hand over the wine glass to signal that you don't want any wine.


8. Always scoop food away from you.


9. Taste your food before seasoning it.


10. Do try a little of everything on your plate.


11. Don't blow on your food to cool it off. If it is too hot to eat, take the hint and wait.


12. Keep elbows off the table. Keep your left hand in your lap unless you are using it.
13. Cut only enough food for the next mouthful. Eat in small bites and slowly.


14. Don't clean up spills with your own napkin and don't touch items that have dropped on the floor. You can use your napkin to protect yourself from spills. Then, simply and politely ask your server to clean up and to bring you a replacement for the soiled napkin or dirty utensil.


15. Whenever a woman leaves the table or returns to sit, all men seated with her should stand up.


16. Do not push your dishes away from you or stack them for the waiter when you are finished. Leave plates and glasses where they are.

My aunt got me a table manners book when I was a younger. Maybe I should have read it. But, maybe Americans are just more efficient? Or maybe just more obese...

for alissa...

marshmallows....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshmallows

Thank you, Japan!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQNLQrMqVZ0

yep

www.textsfromlastnight.com

karma.

i believe in you.

swine flu...?

the media has instilled such fear in everyone about swine flu that purell is allegedly "flying off the shelves". do people not realize that the greasy subway poles are always coated in germs that could be potentially fatal? In an average year, influenza is associated with about 20,000 deaths nationwide and many more hospitalizations. good grief, people...always wash your hands. (this psa presented to you by a nurse.)

adventures

yesterday, a venture only a couple of blocks from my apartment turned out to be an adventure and furthermore a study of human interaction. first, a homeless man pushing his things around in a cart stopped to make eye contact with us and exclaimed, "it's so fucking cold out my balls are shriveled up and my nipples are hard." i admire the candidness of this man. i suppose they are the ultimate rebels, homeless people. i didn't know whether his remarks were intended to be funny or if these bodily changes were just too alarming to keep to himself, but, either way, we chuckled and moved on. to...the diner. diners are people-watching meccas where new yorkers feel very at home in their surroundings, at least this is what i have found. first, our waitress, who we later found out was named Vera, looked to be a very typical diner waitress in my eyes. however, in googling "diner waitress" this image appears:and instead she looked more like this:
which i appreciated, because let's be honest, this broad has lived her life. Vera was very confrontational and took personal insult to the woman next to us who sent her side of vegetables back for being exclusively carrots. also, when the braggart and exceedingly obnoxious brady bunch next to us told Vera about how their daughter wrote an essay about making smoking illegal responded, "well, good for her (insert sarcastic tone)." i think living here is making me less inclined to sugar coat things and be more frank, like Vera. I think this is a good thing. As our dinner was winding down, the man next to us, who insisted on sitting in Vera's section, began shamelessly flirting with her despite being with his wife. He then ordered a glass of white wine "with ice on the side, because that's how we used to do it in Paris." classy, sir. people are just so funny and i love watching how different we all are. moral of the story is: people watching is wonderful and any place that serves pickles and cole slaw as the appetizer is bound to be good people watching.

Whenever I'm having a not-so-great day, I like to remember this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPKYbBBzimg
(please stay tuned for the armpit-smell move at the end. classic.)

2012...doomsday?

If in fact the world is ending in 2012...can I quit my job to join the circus?

I find this very upsetting...